I’ve lost 66 pounds!

As of today, I am down 66 pounds, but the process is getting slower, but the work isn’t. It’s been crazy the past few weeks. My job is keeping me busy, I recently went on vacation, and I’m now kinda sorta seeing an old grade school/ high school friend, but it’s just in the beginning stages of dating.

I’ve been pretty emotional the past few weeks. Not as in crying, but serious highs and lows. It’s circumstantial so it’s not like I need to be on meds, but  I feel I’m teetering on  a tightrope and either something great or  disappointing is going to happen. I’m not sure which yet, but I’m fighting.

As for my vacation, I took a trip down to the Flight 93 Memorial site the day after the 5th of July. I was going to go with a friend, but decided I’d much rather go by myself. I really wanted to just leave Ohio and take a long drive to deal with my own thoughts. It felt so good. Going to the Flight 93 Memorial site was a true historic pilgrimage. We all know the story, but when you see it, hear the calls from passengers on the flight, see the debris encased in glass, among other details….it leaves you speechless. It was both tragic and heroic. The passengers and crew of Flight 93 had no choice, but to give up their lives in order to stop four other terrorists from completing their plot. Yes, the heroes tried surviving, but they knew the risks and refused to do nothing. True heroes fight even when terrified.

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After, I headed to Washington, PA and got a room at the Hilton for the night. Due to a lock issue, my room was upgraded. After settling in, I went across the street to Primanti Brothers for dinner and drinks. After, I grabbed some more beer and went back to my room to watch the Pirates game.

The next day, I woke up, checked out, and visited some of the Night of the Living Dead remake film locations then headed back home. Once I got home, I got my hair shaved off and went to the park to jog. After that, I went home, showered, and waited to meet this chick I knew since grade school/high school.

Now about this hang out, I always thought this chick was cute. The summer heading into our freshmen year, I wrote her a letter asking if she’d go out with me. She politely declined, but we remained friends for a bit and eventually faded from each other’s lives. We reconnected about a month ago thanks to the lovely device of Facebook.  So we hung out, ate wings, slammed down a few drinks, and shared fun stories about each other. After we parted ways, I drunk texted her, telling her I thought she was hot and reminded her about the letter I sent that one summer. We agreed to go out again a week from Wednesday.

Between then and now, we text each other often. I try not to text too much because I don’t want to smother her or turn her off, but I think about her constantly which drives me nuts. On Friday, she asked if I really sent a letter to her that summer because she didn’t remember ever getting one. After that, we became more flirtatious. On Saturday, she asked if I wanted to go to this event with her along with her friend and her husband in August. Of course I accepted. Yesterday, we made plans to go out again next week on top of the plans we have this week.

So I think she likes me, right? Sometimes I overthink things too much. Despite my fight to better myself, I always have that voice in my head that tells me I don’t deserve this and that I’m not worthy. It’s a hell of a thing. I just want this thing to go well, but I’m terrified she’ll get sick of me sooner than later.

Since the trip, I keep listening to this song and can’t get it out of my head.

Marina and the Diamonds – Fear and Loathing Lyrics

I’ve lived a lot of different lives
Been different people many times
I live my life in bitterness
And fill my heart with emptiness

And now I see, I see it for the first time,
There is no crime in being kind
Not everyone is out to screw you over.
Maybe, oh just maybe they just wanna get to know ya.

Now the time is here,
Baby you don’t have to live your life in fear
And the sky is clear, is clear of fear

Don’t wanna live in fear and loathing
I wanna feel like I am floating
Instead of constantly exploding
In fear and loathing

Got different people inside my head
I wonder which one that they like best
I’m done with tryin’ to have it all
And endin’ up with not much at all.

And now the time is here,
Baby you don’t have to live your life in fear
And the sky is clear, is clear of fear
Of fear

Don’t wanna live in fear and loathing
I wanna feel like I am floating
Instead of constantly exploding
In fear and loathing.

And when the time comes along
And the lights run out,
I know where I will belong
When they blow me out.

Don’t wanna live in fear and loathing
I wanna feel like I am floating
Instead of constantly exploding
In fear and loathing.

I wanna be completely weightless
I wanna touch the edge of greatness
Don’t wanna be completely faithless
Completely faithless.

When the time comes around
When the lights will go out
When the time comes around
When the lights they go out.

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2 thoughts on “I’ve lost 66 pounds!

  1. hellz yeah! That’s awesome! I am happy for you that you are doing so well. And you look very nice with your new do. As for taking the trip by yourself – I wish I could learn to do things on my own like that – eventually I am going to have to learn how to tho right. Night of the Living Dead is my type of shit! Good luck with the new girl – yes, I think it sounds like she likes you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Man, I hope. She initially said she didn’t want to date anyone and here we are with all these dates set up. She also talks about regretting dating these jerks because she’s such a nice person, and she really is, and says it’s refreshing because I’m so nice. I’m trying not to assume too much but I hope it’s going to go somewhere. She’s so pretty and we have the same kind of interests and humor, but I’ve been hyped before only to be let down. On the outside, I’m playing it cool. On the inside, I’m screaming and can’t get her out of my head….which is annoying.

      Liked by 1 person

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