She dumped me. :(

It’s been a long time. I used this blog as a way to record my thoughts on my journey to being happy. A fitter me. A better me. When I found someone, I felt I didn’t need this blog anymore. I was immersed with the girl of my dreams.

I knew her since 4th grade. When we reconnected and she decided to take a chance on me, I was seriously the happiest man on earth. I was finally with the girl I always wanted to be with. She introduced me to her kids and I fell in love with them and they fell in love with me. She told me she was never really in love in her past relationships, but she actually knew she was in love with me. She told me her heart was mine and not to break it. She told me I made her believe in marriage again. She said I made her want to try for one more child. She said she would love me forever and that I was hers whether I liked it or not. I was so happy and I treated her and her children amazingly. I was happiest when we were together.

Now it’s over. It ended Saturday and I am so lost and sad. I’m going to miss her and her babies. She used to tell me I could never leave now because her kids loved me and it would break their heart. Now she’s the one who is leaving me.

Everything I have and everywhere we’ve been reminds me of her. It’s hell to see them and reliving it. I find my mind goes to songs she likes and I do my best to stop myself. It especially seems to happen when I wake up.

I don’t understand this, it was just last week where she told me how happy I made her.

So here I am and I’m back.

The last I recorded my weight, it was 264. I was 261 at my lightest. I’m now 267 so it won’t take much to lose that and keep back on track. I’ll post some photos so show how I look because I honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m lost. I’m so sad.

I get it, I’ll eventually get over it. I get it, people have it worse. I get it, breakups happen every day. But this still hurts and I’ve been a wreck.

I was a great boyfriend. I would have been a great husband and father figure for her kids. I never knew I had that in me until I was with them. She said I had a big heart. I guess the bigger the heart, the bigger the heartbreak.

This sucks. This sucks hard. I can’t stop crying. I wish this was just a bad dream.

 

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8 thoughts on “She dumped me. :(

    1. It’s such a long story. She was always kinda going back and forth. One issue about something and she was ready to call it quits. In early December, she did call it quits and in 3 hours she asked if I didn’t love her anymore. I told her of course I did, but I wasn’t the one who broke up with her. We got back together. Things were good. Last Saturday, I was her designated driver so she could have fun with her friends for a Birthday party. We went to this bowling ally with a bar. She was pounding down the rum and diet cokes kinda hard. Anyway, as we were bowling, she asked if I could get her another one at the bar. So I did, but the wait was absurd. It was packed. She came to the bar to tell me it was my turn to bowl so she would wait. After my turn, I went back to the bar and she wasn’t at the original spot she was before. I walked around the wrap around bar and I saw her talking to some dude. They were carrying on, laughing. At one point she pinched his nipple or would playfully slap his chest. After the dude left, I asked her what the hell was that? I was mad, but calm. She looked at me so disgusted and said she did nothing wrong. I said that looked like flirting. She walked away. While hack at the bowling ally, I went in my own little corner. I was pissed and processing everything that just had happened. She came up to me and told me she did nothing wrong, wasn’t attracted to him, and that I was being overly jealous. I told her I know what I saw and that it was disrespectful to me. She said she couldn’t help he was hitting on her and that I should be flattered. I told her she could have helped it by not pinching his nipple or playfully touching his chest. She said I needed to get over it because this is who she is and what she does. Mind you, she was drunk. Later she told me she isn’t ready to date me or anyone. Keep in mind, this is the same girl who told me she loves me forever, wants to get married, and be a father figure to her kids. She showed me rings she would like and the kinda home we should get it. She even said I couldn’t leave her now because her kids loved me. Now she isn’t ready. The break up is so hard and despite all of that, I can’t say a bad word about her. I don’t mean to be one of those people, but I seriously never fell so hard for anyone in my entire life.

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      1. Oh stop that!… Wasnt good enough…pssshh – honestly from reading what happened at the bowling alley (granted I wasnt there) but even if you were being jealous, she should have most definitely handled herself differently. I get hit on all the time and handle myself like a married woman – because that is what I am – taken. As with her, she has a man (you) and should have said thanks and went about her business. Instead it boosted her ego enough to engage in more playful acts (pinching or groping his chest) which gives the impression that she is interested. Not cool.

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      2. I know she was drunk and she gets like that, but I felt I had a legitimate reason to be jealous. A month before that, a bartender bought me a drink and asked if she could tough my bicep that she’d let me squeeze her ass, which was nice btw, but I said no because I was happily taken. I was pretty tipsy too. I could have done it and never told her about it, but I was so hung over the moon that no one could get me to stray. I dunno, I felt what happened on Saturday was only the tip of the iceberg. Perhaps she wasn’t ready for a commitment. Maybe she didn’t want to be restricted by it. I dunno. It just hurts. I was and still am so in love. I guess I just have to go through the stages of a break up.

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      3. ya – ur prolly right – it doesnt sound as tho she was ready for that deep of a commitment – like the real shit – you know what Im saying. Sorry you are hurting. Inhale-exhale bud…

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