It’s been a long time. I used this blog as a way to record my thoughts on my journey to being happy. A fitter me. A better me. When I found someone, I felt I didn’t need this blog anymore. I was immersed with the girl of my dreams.
I knew her since 4th grade. When we reconnected and she decided to take a chance on me, I was seriously the happiest man on earth. I was finally with the girl I always wanted to be with. She introduced me to her kids and I fell in love with them and they fell in love with me. She told me she was never really in love in her past relationships, but she actually knew she was in love with me. She told me her heart was mine and not to break it. She told me I made her believe in marriage again. She said I made her want to try for one more child. She said she would love me forever and that I was hers whether I liked it or not. I was so happy and I treated her and her children amazingly. I was happiest when we were together.
Now it’s over. It ended Saturday and I am so lost and sad. I’m going to miss her and her babies. She used to tell me I could never leave now because her kids loved me and it would break their heart. Now she’s the one who is leaving me.
Everything I have and everywhere we’ve been reminds me of her. It’s hell to see them and reliving it. I find my mind goes to songs she likes and I do my best to stop myself. It especially seems to happen when I wake up.
I don’t understand this, it was just last week where she told me how happy I made her.
So here I am and I’m back.
The last I recorded my weight, it was 264. I was 261 at my lightest. I’m now 267 so it won’t take much to lose that and keep back on track. I’ll post some photos so show how I look because I honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m lost. I’m so sad.
I get it, I’ll eventually get over it. I get it, people have it worse. I get it, breakups happen every day. But this still hurts and I’ve been a wreck.
I was a great boyfriend. I would have been a great husband and father figure for her kids. I never knew I had that in me until I was with them. She said I had a big heart. I guess the bigger the heart, the bigger the heartbreak.
This sucks. This sucks hard. I can’t stop crying. I wish this was just a bad dream.